Domingo 2 Dez 2012, 22h:32
2012
From Worst
to Best
Intro,
Omitted,
and
#284 - #281
Intro
"We fell in love,
or rather I did,
she gave me a shove,
into a pit unrequited.
I suppose it's not fit,
my mental health,
but at least I have this pit,
all to myself."
*strum strum, strum strum strum strum strum*
So here we are, another year gone by. Some people sitting in the corner rubbing vaseline on their naked bodies, yelling,
"THIS WAS THE BEST YEAR FOR MUSIC, EVER!"
and some people sitting on the edge of a skyscraper, rubbing vaseline on their naked bodies, yelling,
"THIS WAS THE WORST YEAR FOR MUSIC, EVER!"
And then there's me, sitting on top of our piano with a crappy 90s iBook yelling,
"THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY WAYS TO WRITE 'NAZI CIRCLE-JERK!' WHERE'S MY VASELINE!?!"
Music, and music journalism, never really changes.
(cough cough cough cough, right? Someone get me a glass of water)
So let's get down the to the nitty-gritty. These are the albums, EPs, and mixtapes we listened to this year, obviously only ranking the ones that were released this year (you guys don't need thirty-something David Bowie and Kraftwerk albums clogging up the top of the list).
These reviews basically consist of either a brief summary or selected quotes for reviews that I wrote for various organizations in the last year. I'm not going to post the entirety of each review because:
1. They're rather wordy.
2. You could just go read them at the source you were sent here from.
3. It would be a living Hell if we let competitors know that they're not exactly competing. Don't cross the streams.
Again, like every year, they're not ranked on my preferences, but they're ranked on four criteria (from least important to most):
Accessibility: Look, I listen to some straight-up experimental stuff that is probably going to make me go deaf and/or insane by the age of thirty. You guys don't need that. The closer an album is to being 'listenable' by a mainstream audience, the higher marks it receives in this category. I understand that there are "audience musicians" and "musician musicians" but your album has to be orchestrated to an artistic extent of some degree regardless of target market. Come on, that's bush league.
Originality: But you can shoot me in the face before I ever give a watered-down release high marks. No, your album can be accessible as balls, but you sure better be doing something that hasn't been done before, or at least attempting to. Thousands of albums are released every year, if you can release something that a mainstream audience hasn't heard before and actually want to listen to then you've succeeded as a musician and your album is great.
Effectiveness: So you actually managed to release an genuine record designed for the masses to enjoy? Great, but did it work? Oh, I didn't tell you? Oh, well in order for your album to actually be good it has to, uh, well, work. It can't be too long, it can't be too short, it can't fly over people's heads, and it can't be easily understood. You're giving us a potential experience, I'm in charge of letting you know if it's actually worthwhile.
Impact: So you've got this great little album that is different yet somehow familiar. Great. But you just made a pop record. This is the trickiest category to satisfy. Where is your album going to end up, and how are the residents of that mindset going to treat it? It's not a meter for sales or mainstream reaction. I've awarded Album of the Year to artists that have under 10,000 listeners on Last.fm and artists that have over three million and rising. It's a matter of being at the top of a genre, demographic, mindset, etc.
That isn't my criteria for loving an album though. God no. I gave Album of the Year last year to The Boxer Rebellion. They most certainly did not release my favorite record of the year, they just released the one that the most amount of people needed to hear. No, Gauntlet Hair released my favorite album of 2011, and they didn't even make my top 30.
My job is to act as a tour guide. I need to point you in the direction of an album that could change your life. I've had albums piss me off. I've had albums make me cry. I've had albums that make me laugh. I've had albums that make me fall in love. I've had albums that make me grieve. I've had albums ruin my life. I've had albums give me a reason to live. I'm in charge of getting the largest amount of people to listen to the most-effective release that has the highest chance of changing their lives. For better or worse. Yeah, it could be the worst album you've ever heard or the absolute best. I'm in charge of trying to get you to enjoy the land outside your comfort zone, if only for forty five minutes.
Or some crap like that.
Enough of the sloppy semantics, let's get going.
Yes, last year Hailey and I were a little more expressive than normal at the end of our lists. Yeah, it threw up some red flags with readers of all contexts. Truth is, we can get away with much more than we previously thought (yes, even more than normal). So yeah, there is a bit more insight into the dynamics of our little music group in some of the reviews. Because we can get away with murder.
But expect to see a lot of these: . We're not dumb enough to show our entire hand and the order of the cards in the deck, not before the game is over. And probably not after it either.
I apologize to the returning readers. The sincerity of that statement is directly proportional to the amount of years you've been indulging us. I tried not to repeat stories but I didn't pamper and spoil you either. Sorry, maybe next year.
And yes, we're going to keep porting them over to our Last.fm journals as well, on both my and Hailey's accounts. It's just a lot easier (coding wise, since Jason doesn't do this crap anymore, Steven and Tom are) and that site actually loads on computers that don't reside in a first world country. We'll still do the big countdown on one of the last days though, probably after the full list is revealed anyway. Fun fun fun.
Mission Statement: All releases will be ranked according to how well they break the follow statement:
Suck, suck your teenage thumb
Toilet trained and dumb
When the power runs out
We'll just hum
This, this is our new song
Just like the last one
A total waste of time
My iron lung
The more a release deviates from the preceding statement, the higher it will be ranked.
NOTE: Due to the fact that all sources are being directed to this page, let it be known that some of the reviews and images in this and the proceeding lists may be adult in nature. And it would be a shame if your child were to stumble upon something they shouldn't be exposed to so early in life, they might end up enlightened.
Omitted Releases
These are either notable releases that didn't qualify for this list or notable releases that I refused to listen to because the standards I hold are conversely proportional to the amount of time I have to review music.
Or, in layman's terms, “I ain't got no time ta listen ta a buncha wack foo's talk 'bout things dey got no business talkin' 'bout.”
Sean Paul -
Tomahawk Technique
http://www.diversehiphop.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/sean-paul-Tomahawk-Technique-e1325034795986.jpg
Remember when Temperature came out? I don't think I've ever been so pissed off in my entire life. God no, there is no way I would even subject even the most deplorable war criminals to a Sean Paul release.
Chris Brown - Fortune
http://thatgrapejuice.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/chris-brown-fortune.jpg
WHAT!?! HE JUST RELEASED AN ALBUM LAST YEAR! FIRST HE BEATS ALL THE TALENT OUT OF MY RIHANNA AND NOW HE WANTS TO GET ON MY LIST AGAIN!?!
WHAT IS THAT FONT ON THE COVER, WINGDINGS!?!
NUH-UH, NO WAY! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! TAKE YOUR THOUSANDS OF SONGWRITERS AND STUDIO ENGINEERS WITH YOU! TRY NOT TO BREAK A MIRROR ON YOUR WAY OUT! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU CAN TAKE THAT GRAMMY AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT! I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A-
Train - California 37
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lztcwn58gN1qb4bawo1_500.png
Look kid, I don't know who told you that I can even remotely tolerate Train, but it's some sort of cruel trick to distract you. Yeah, go back home and your village is probably going to be plundered and your women raped. Well, that usually happens to anyone listening to Pat Monahan anyway. Rape and destruction of the ear holes.
The Dandy Warhols -
This Machine
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzcw2rjC2b1r0pc2co1_500.jpg
No, of course I'm not going to listen to a flippin' Dandy Warhols release. I swear to God, a crappy alt-rock band releases one good song in the 2000s and it's suddenly my job to make sure I look into everything they ever put out? No. Now scram.
DJ Khaled - Kiss the Ring
http://www.2dopeboyz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/20120524-DJ_KHALED.jpg
You can't tell me I haven't tried. I'm not really very sorry, but I did try, you can't deny that. His releases have begun to epitomize 'look how cool I am' and that's simply not interesting songwriting to me. That's it.
The Smashing Pumpkins - Oceania
http://www.whiskey-soda.de/forum/files/smashing_pumpkins_-_oceania_994.jpg
Okay look, I know more than enough about album composition and release strategies. But the Oceania distribution method is way too diluted to ever even remotely take seriously. I'm not going to do it. And remember who you're reading here.
Jason Mraz -
Love Is A Four Letter Word
http://cdn.7static.com/static/img/sleeveart/00/016/632/0001663289_500.jpg
Do you think this is some sort of joke? Like really, is this some sort of prank? Why would I ever, even in a nightmare, listen to anything even close to the bedrock of suck that this is buried in?
Parental Advisory? Yeah, don't let your kids listen to this or they'll grow up to be a sandle-wearing douchebag sophomores who play a few acoustic chords to sleep with the neighbor's daughter.
And another one of these pretentious album covers, "I'll just make my album cover a bunch of shapes."
Major Lazer - Free the Universe
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m98knrv2rK1qzd1mao1_1345772484_cover.jpg
Normally, I actually have to listen to an album to know that the artist has sold out. Now I just have to look at who they lower themselves to collaborate with. Bruno Mars? Flux Pavilion? And Switch is hardly involved anymore, so what's the point?
The Offspring - Days Go By
http://0.tqn.com/d/top40/1/0/0/j/2/offspring-days-go-by-columbia.jpg
Objectively, The Offspring suck. I am not going to debate the musical merit of the group that released Pretty Fly (For A White Guy). Pop-punk has and always will completely suck. Bite me.
Mac Miller - Macadelic
http://edge-img.datpiff.com/md375371/Mac_Miller_Macadelic-front-large.jpg
I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for some other douchebag. Don't get me wrong, I'm a douchebag, but not to the extent where I'm willingly listening to Mac Miller.
Matt & Kim - Lightning
http://www.altpress.com/images/uploads/news/mattandkim_lightning.jpg
I hate Matt & Kim so much that I can't even comprehend how a human being can harbor so much hate for something. If someone even casually mentions Matt & Kim during the day I get so upset that I can't even sleep that night.
They are quite possibly the most derivative musical outfit that has ever existed.
Ever.
EVER.
They don't have composition. I don't understand how that's possible. Their songs aren't even songs. It's the same segment of the song literally falling over itself over and over again. The songs rape themselves. It's a crime. We need to call the police.
Not only does Matt have a terrible voice, something I usually have no issue with, but his lyrics are literally worse than the written words of an illiterate five year old. They have no meaning and drive at nothing.
As an 'musician,' he knows of nothing but slight variations in percussion. It's literally like he pushes an instrument down the stairs and just records the sound so he can loop it over and over again.
Kim is not only a deplorable human being but she's such a hack behind the drums, hiding behind the title of 'hip-hop' drums when the sad truth is that she can't break away from the most simple beats.
Their songs mean nothing, they consist of little-to-no instrumentation, and have absolutely no human fingerprint to them.
Oh, but it's "fun" music, lighten up Jesse. Piss. Off. I listen to k-pop you opprobrious dolt, I understand happiness and this isn't it. This doesn't even belong in the gutters of Brooklyn, it belongs in the sewers.
There are little beetles in Africa that literally pick up crap and roll it into balls. That is their entire existence. Even these small beings with no cognitive function would come across a Matt & Kim album and turn away, "I may pick up sh*t all day, but I ain't touchin' that."
Listen to me very carefully and remember whose words you're reading:
Say what you will about the depravity of the Nazi party, at least they gave the world some rocket scientists.
What have Matt & Kim given us?
If I was suicidal, I would regret that I only have one life to take away from the civilization that spawned these two clodhoppers.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Kiss
http://cdn.hmvdigital.com/static/img/sleeveart/00/018/884/0001888452_500.jpg
You mean I can hear Carly Rae Jepsen, Owl City, and Justin Bieber on one album!?! Oh boy, I'll bring the cyanide!
But on a respectful level, I already reviewed the Curiosity EP and I think it's pretty apparent that she's not someone to be taken seriously. And that has nothing to do with the fact that it's pop music, she's just not someone to waste forty five minutes listening to.
Krzysztof Penderecki /
Jonny Greenwood -
Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima /
Popcorn Superhet Receiver / Polymorphia /
48 Responses to Polymorphia
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61M8DEBzSyL._SS500_.jpg
CURSE YOU, GODS OF THE COMPILATION!
That's right, this is definitely a compilation. Two incredible composers teaming up to…compile old work together. Instead of writing down new work. I don't get it, but maybe one day…no, nevermind, this will never make sense.
Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Americana
http://artsandentertainmentplayground.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Neil-Young-and-Crazy-Horse-Americana.jpg
Hey, so what would you do if I told you that Neil Young and Crazy Horse were reuniting again to do an americana album?
Now what if I told you that it will be a compilation of covers?
http://media.ign.com/games/image/article/738/738102/gaijin4koma_peersblog_1200684654.jpg
Yeah, get together again and give us something we've already heard. THAT'S what we wanted.
(Yeah, I resorted to a meme. That's how desperate of a situation this is, stooping that low.)
Keaton Henson - Dear...
http://audiovole.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/keaton-henson-dear.jpg
“Oh you totally have to hear this!”
“That incredible album came out two years ago.”
“…”
“…but yeah, isn't it amazing!?!”
“Totally!”
Of Monsters and Men -
My Head Is an Animal
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51JE9rPqcWL._SL500_SS500_.jpg
What's that?
Review what?
This totally new Icelandic folk outfit?
Huh, that's weird, it's not new to Iceland, who got this album last September.
Oh darn. Ineligible.
Just look the bright side, there's more than enough indie-folk bullcrap that came out this year on the list.
The Internet -
Purple Naked Ladies
http://images.plixid.com/imager/w_500/h_/e78f9ffac97f37ad91b5e999e1c5651a.jpg
So they sent me this album and I was like, "Yeah Odd Future, nice." Then I was like, "Hey, wait a minute guys, this came out in 2011." And they were like, "Oh, yeah…"
It may have been physically released in 2012, but it was digitally released in 2011. So sorry.
Can - The Lost Tapes
http://mute.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Can-The-Lost-Tapes-500.jpg
I want you to look at this album cover and listen carefully. Yes, I know this is the omitted albums section, but let it be known that this is the best album of the year, by far. The only reason you're seeing this album on the list right now and not on the very last day is because it's a compilation. Sure, it's entirely new material, but it was compiled together.
But again, don't be mistaken, this is the best album of the year. Easily. Jason and Ashley were so upset when we reminded them that this is technically ineligible,
"Okay, really, that's bullshit. This is the best album of the decade and no one can argue that. It doesn't need to qualify for the list to earn that."
"Preachin' to the choir."
Various Artists - Complex
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0066/5822/products/LEX100DL_large.jpg?103634
It's not a compilation record but it's not 100% original either. An album put together for Lex Records 10th anniversary includes contributions from Neon Neon, Boom Bip, Doseone, Fog, DOOM + Thom Yorke + Jonny Greenwood, Jneiro Jarel, and Crook&Flail.
Which is a heck of a lineup with incredible additions. But, the work wasn't created soley for this album, so it's out of competition.
Modern Radio-Friendly Country
http://wefest.areavoices.com/files/2011/08/0805-n-we-festcover1.jpg
I don't care where you're from, how you feel about "the state of our nation," or any of the trite instrumentation that you're obligated to included to comfort your derivative demographic.
A bunch of douchebags wearing Tapout shirts and funny hats.
Modern Radio-Friendly Rap/Hip-Hop/R&B
http://www.nerve.com/files/resize/teenage-party-600x400.jpg
I don't care where you're from, how you feel about "the state of our nation," or any of the trite instrumentation that you're obligated to included to comfort your derivative demographic.
A bunch of douchebags wearing Tapout shirts and funny hats.
Standard Dubstep
http://youtellconcerts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/IMG_0130.jpg
We broke this one up a bit this year. Using "dub" techniques (oh God, here we go) can enhance a release quite a bit. Excluding anything and everything "dub" just because of the actions of a few would be like swearing off the electric guitars just because AC/DC used them.
But good luck getting a good review, there's hardly ever anything at stake.
Neo US/UK Folk Revival
http://0.tqn.com/d/folkmusic/1/0/S/8/langhorneslim1.JPG
Every decade there's one genre that the newest generation of musicians feels entitled enough to reinvent and it really pisses me off that this one picked folk. Last decade they chose post-punk and actually, dare I say it, GASP, improved the genre!
But this? It's just a bunch of white boys in plaid singing about how disappointed in themselves they are that they can actually afford plaid, rendering them ineligible to fit the actual mold it takes to be a folk musician.
The over-privileged singing the blues, that's what this is.
"Indie" Bands
http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2009/June/Photos/music_coachella_crowd2.jpg
That's it, I'm drawing the line. I just can't do it anymore. First of all, you have this MASSIVE misconception of what 'indie' actually is. Yes, I know that 'indie' bands have basically created a subgenre of rock that has its own unique characteristics and nuances…but 'indie' isn't a genre. It's a financial recording strategy. Kinda.
So, when you get some kid with his pants around his knees, telling me that his band's sound is really 'indie,' I get really pissed off. No, I'm not going to listen to releases anymore just because they're not studio efforts.
But, like always, Darren says it best.
Stand-up Comedy
http://cdn.7static.com/static/img/sleeveart/00/019/071/0001907103_500.jpg
Jokes aren't songs. Songs can have jokes in them. Jokes can have songs in them. But their two completely separate entities. They can take advantage of each other, but they're not the same medium. It's like comparing the Earth to the Moon. Similar, undoubtably, but certainly not the same.
Live Albums
http://farm8.static.flickr.com/7235/6862664234_dfb03e2ee2.jpg
We've probably heard the material before, from a variety of different sources. So yeah, it's probably amazing, but it's not a release of 2012, by definition.
Compilation Albums
http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2012-07-25-Woodyat100.jpg
You can't compile random material, stick a thread through it, and call it cohesive. That's not how it works. Quality becomes a crapshoot.
Film Soundtracks
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3geaqMWCW1qzspj4o1_500.jpg
Now let's be very clear: I am not talking about film scores. A film score is music composed for a film. A film soundtrack is music compiled for a film. Which, as you can infer, makes it an extension of a compilation album. Sure, all of the music now shares that common thread, but it was put there by a third-party seamstress, so it doesn't count.
(But don't let this take away from Alexandre Desplat's work on the Moonrise Kingdom score. That is just some insanely good composition.)
Remix Albums
http://pryncepality.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/beyonce-remix.jpg
Why does 4 get a remix album? It sucked.
It's just not the creator's unfiltered intent, that's all. I certainly don't discourage it but I can't legitimately analyze it, more often than not.
Singles
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m830qiiqUB1qegiweo1_500.jpg
As in: 'A-side + B-side' or 'AA-side' singles. It's just not enough material, that's all. A release needs at least three tracks to qualify and even then it's a stretch.
An Embarrassing Number of International Releases
http://i.space.com/images/i/5981/i02/alien-climate-1-100602-02.jpg?1294156145
I'm not as young as I once was. Though I still love foreign releases more than domestic ones as a whole, I simply don't have as much time to dig through them anymore. Which sucks.
And no, I'm not naïve enough to consider Canada or the UK a foreign market.
And now for something completely different:
RANKED:
The
Albums
EPs
and
Mix-tapes
of
2012
#284-281
284
Yoko Ono, Kim Gordon & Thurston Moore - YOKOKIMTHURSTON
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdn5y9O60c1rvpos6o1_500.jpg
Okay, let's go through a couple of random things first.
Sex Drive is a relatively okay film. It's somewhat funny and the story is pretty basic, so you don't have to see it but it wouldn't hurt to. But this film contains a line so perfect that it remains one of the funniest things I've ever heard. For no reason, the Lance character tells his fellow travelers,
"You guys ever listen to Sonic Youth? I've been on a big Sonic Youth phase lately. You know, their bass player's a woman."
When I saw that for the first (and only) time I laughed so hard and for so long that I had to pause the film. That has to be the most realistic line of dialogue ever put in a film. That is exactly how people talk to each other. It's not poetic or clever, it's just brutally realistic. Maybe I'm just weird but that is exactly how I talk to people. "Do you guys listen to Phoenix? I've been on a big Phoenix kick lately. You know he's married to Sofia Coppola, the Lost in Translation one."
Next on the agenda, how sad was it when Thurston and Kim split up? I am certainly not one to give a crap about celebrities and their relationships, but this guy right here was so depressed when they announced they were separating. Because honestly, what chance do the rest of us have at love if they couldn't make it?
One last thing: Yoko Ono. Look, I get it, she's not very good. But seriously, who else but fans of The Beatles even give half a crap? Don't get me wrong, she's far too pretentious to ever be called talented, but if there ever was a demographic to immediately shun anything that sounds even remotely different or experimental, it'd be the one bowing down to John Lennon.
Okay, right, let's get to this. Uh, well, it's really not very good at all. Yeah, I get it, it's avant-garde. But if you take even the most basic lesson in French, you'll quickly learn that avant-garde is not just about being 'different,' it's supposed to be about forcing everyone else to catch up to newly expanded boundaries. This is just…well…it's not really anything.
I can't call it noise. I can't call anything noise, because audio ceases to be noise after someone with intent releases it. Nothing is just 'noise' after it passes an artists' standards for being suitable for release. This doesn't save a release from a label of pretention though. Oh God no, this is pretentious as balls. There's no deeper meaning here. This is the equivalent of a five year old moaning into a oscillating room fan. It's just the artists wanting to hear themselves. It's rather self-indulgent to say the least.
And let's not ignore the elephant in the room. If you listen to this with anyone else around, they're going to think you're listening to porn. Plenty of releases include sounds of females in ecstasy but this is just a bunch of clanging and clattering and Ono moaning and groaning.
"Uh, dude, what are you doing?"
"Oh, no, it's not what you think, that's just Yoko Ono."
"Oh…well…that't not really a better answer…"
You know what's really, really weird? Yoko Ono still owns a few apartments in The Dakota. Read up on the building and you'll share my piqued curiosity. It's just really odd, that's all. Kind of like this album, but not in a good way. Not even close.
There's a very narrow midpoint between form and function. This album has great form, there really isn't anything like it. But function? What do you do with this? Use it as inspiration to create something better? Maybe? I don't know, I'm stretching here. What I'm getting at is when you take some deep, introspective journey this is not going to be the album you reach for to assist you and this isn't going to be anywhere close to the definitive work of any of these artists. So there's very little point in trying to inflate the artistic merit here. Yeah, it's here, but it's more work than the reward could possible justify.
283
Waka Flocka Flame - Triple F Life: Fans, Friends & Family
http://i.imgur.com/AlZMr.jpg
I didn't even know the Cosby Show was still on.
No, seriously, this is easily one of the worst albums I've ever heard and I only reviewed it to make that joke.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
282
Old Man Gloom - No
http://www.metalsucks.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/omg-no.jpg
Yep, uh-huh, subjectivity and all that. Right, gotcha.
Not going to do it. I'm not going to write this review. Heck, I'm not going to accept compensation for it, I'm just not even going to write it. Not out of laziness, but inability.
This is exactly like every single post-metal album you've ever head.
I just don't get it.
I just don't get how someone could actually be excited about conceiving of, recording, mixing, mastering, and releasing a record like this. There is zero craftsmanship here, there's nothing even remotely unique or individualistic about it. The sheer boredom would be driving me to tears if I wasn't constantly trying to stay awake.
Don't get me wrong, I can listen to plenty of heavy stuff. But there needs to be more of a point to creating a heavy sound than just wanting to create a heavy sound. It's so dumb. So dumb.
It's not minimalist, it's just stupid. It's not hardcore, it's just stupid. So, if we walk through the proper methods of computation, we're left with an album that's twice as stupid as the mean. It's elementary arithmetic ladies and gentlemen: don't add this to your collection.
Did Old Man Gloom release a good album?
Answer's right there in the title.
281
Ringo Starr - Ringo 2012
http://media.fanfire.com/images/product/large/RST/RST53554.jpg
What year is this? Why are we still okay with Ringo putting out albums? I mean really, this is his seventeenth album. Yeah, the drummer has seventeen albums to his name. Absolutely ridiculous. Not okay.
But really, this entire album is just very derivative and borderline degrading. It's like no one has told Starr that it's not nineteen-flippin'-sixty-five anymore. Look, I love (500) Days of Summer but this album made me seriously revaluate my adoration for that film, considering the main love interest actually loves Ringo Starr. As a member of The Beatles, sure, but solo? I can't do it. I simply can't suspend that much belief, Zooey.
I actually hate this album. I hate that he took studio time away from other musicians to produce this über cliché chunk of crap. I mean really, we go from reggae to stupid sunshine rock to God knows what else you could call this.
I hate this.
I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.
Some people are upset that John Lennon is dead because he can no longer create music, I'm upset that he's gone because he can't smack Starr upside the head with a rolled-up Revolver vinyl sleeve and shout,
”I can't…imagine…a world where you'd consider this a good idea.”
And for a drummer, his timing sucks.
For a sample of each album, click the picture below.